I'm really enjoying these academic books on weddings. This week's overwrought offering is Here Comes the Bride: Women, Weddings, and the Marriage Mystique by anti-marriage advocate Jaclyn Geller. Her thesis:

Major life choices are the result of multiple influences, most of which are unstated or stated in complicated, indirect ways. Marriage, in particular, is a decision unlike any other--a decision with an elaborate social context. It is overdetermined by family pressure, legal sanction, and the deluge of consumer images linking wedlock to female happiness and self-worth. I hope ... to substantiate these beliefs and dissuade many would-be wives from draping themselves in white and walking down the aisle. (71)

Geller knows her stuff, and has dug up some fascinating facts, anecdotes, and statistics. She also refers to films, television, fiction and non-fiction texts, and historical precedent. There are a number of truly entertaining passages in this polemic. Here are a sampling:

In reference to John Mitchell's book, What the Hell is a Groom and What's He Supposed to Do?, she notes that the author suggests grooms "indulg[e] their fiancees as if these women were adorable, silly, slightly vicious pets" (120). She also calls the endlessly obsessive "marital narrative" of invitations, flowers, photographs and such a "romantic vortex in which [a future bride] can easily lose herself" (275). In one of my favorite passages, she describes the yichud, or post-ceremony seclusion of the newly married couple that is traditional at Jewish weddings, a "miniorgy of heterosexual affirmation" (286).

Essentially, Geller's point is this:

In order to shape a meaningful history different from the history of those who came before us, women must relinquish the sentimental excess of the current wedding ceremony and let go of marriage, the institution that has sheltered our female ancestors, sometimes granting them safeties and protections but always furthering their subordination. An epoch of equality will only come to fruition when this ceremony, which enforces gender difference, is abandoned. By denying ourselves the short-term rewards of the nuptial rite, resisting its temptations and relinquishing the opportunities it provides for narcissistic self-presentation, we can begin to construct a vision of female selfhood untouched by the marital agenda. (293)

I respect Geller's strength of will and the power of her convictions, but, boy, this book is a riot. If you're wavering about whether getting married is an unfair thing to do--because some people can't marry, because it perpetuates the myth that marriage is the best bond possible between two people, because you think it relegates your friendships to the back burner--this could be a dangerous but worthwhile read for you. But as for me, I giggled and snorted a lot, and read passages aloud for their entertainment value.

Posted by Hilary at September 21, 2004 01:58 PM